If you have ever had an MRI what is your secret? On Friday when all the craziness was happening, nobody actually mentioned to me what an MRI entailed. Full disclosure, I never asked, either. They said MRI Enterography, and for whatever reason…I heard CT. And having had enough of them, I didn’t think to ask for more information.
I am extremely claustrophobic and not a huge fan of being rendered immobile.
We arrived at the clinic and I downed the almost 60 ounces of prep mix like a college girl gone wild.
I don’t know if the prep hits everyone the same way but it was making my insides go crazy! I had used the restroom 3 times in the span of drinking the prep and heading back to the table. After a lot of internal debate and embarrassment, I finally asked the tech if they had a Depend. Not an ideal situation, but I was determined to get through this test, whatever the cost.
For those unfamiliar with an MRI, you drink the prep mix, get strapped to a table, IV’d up, and then “torpedoed” into the machine. They had me run through breathing exercises but essentially I couldn’t move, and it felt like the machine was closing in on me.
This machine uses magnets for imaging instead of radiation. It shook with vibration and was extremely loud. Apparently, they usually have patients wear headphones with music but they were not working.
Sometime in, they pulled me out of the machine and had a doctor came in to inject a shot into my arm. I am guessing it was intermuscular because it still burns. Whatever it was, its purpose is to slow down the small bowel for a clearer image.
The anxiety kept mounting until it became too unbearable. I had a panic attack unlike any other. I started heavily crying and begging them to get me out. I knew I had to be close, I just couldn’t handle it. I needed to stand up, breath unrestrained. I kept thinking, “You’re in the homestretch,” “Think of the kids,” all to no avail.
The tech was awful and kind of rude, asking to be pulled out just seemed to make her more frustrated. I tried asking for a timeframe, getting some insight into what to expect, all while trying to calm myself. She basically said, “Are you in or out?” She asked mid freak out which left me no choice but to concede. Not even a minute after she lowered me, I steeled myself and asked to keep going. She snapped and stated that she was insistent on my answer because once I am lowered the test is over. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
At some point the tech informs me that they never injected the contrast. I guess that is one of the last steps for the last images they take. I cried the entire time I redressed. I cried all the way through the building and had a near fall-to-my-knees crumbling session in the parking lot.
I made it 30 minutes only to fail right at the part we needed the most.
Have I mentioned the preliminary culture results? During one of the several exams on Friday they swabbed my belly button to see what type of fluid was leaking. Cultures came back as staph and strep. Another hurdle in a sea of many.
I felt like I was in a fugue state of self-hatred. Infusion team seemed more frustrated that they would have to start the process again to get me in STAT for a CT than they concerned for me. Although they did seem truly sorry they didn’t ask if I was claustrophobic or explain the procedure of an MRI. They were so focused on getting me in that they forgot the other parts. Sedation might have made this week completely different.
The trick after the dust settled and the necessary calls were made, was to figure out how to get home. There was a massive train derailment impeding traffic. (It was all over the news and the accident closed down I-5.)
In over an hour, Jon and I had moved a mile. We were over 30 miles from home. I could tell he was frustrated; over the failed test or traffic, I never asked. I was internally beating myself up and trying to figure out how to deal with the knowledge that I would likely be drinking more prep and doing another test.
You can’t punish yourself forever though so together, Jon and I decided to take a little us time. Something that with two toddlers never happens. We turned around and got a hotel! It was the first time since the kids were born that we were alone overnight without them.
Stay tuned, the fun is only just beginning!