August 20 2017

Judgment

Why do people feel they have a right to pass judgement? They can call it whatever they want–concern, curiosity, or even apprehension–but a spade is still a spade. Everyone has an opinion; I am not suggesting people stop thinking for themselves, merely that people stop expressing their feelings with such obvious maneuvers. To be frank, I have a hard enough time making and dealing with the choices my illness requires of me without other people’s scrutiny.
I am not a stranger to odd looks and unsolicited advice, but I have a hard time when these situations come from unexpected places or even people who I thought understood. So then how do we handle this?
Normally I internalize, over-analyze, and stress the issue until I’ve almost forgotten reality. Lately though, it has been too much. I am tired of shouldering the burden of everyone else. I am tired of protecting others, protecting their feelings, and making myself small so they can shine bright.
I recently read a blog that quoted Juvenal, “Sed quis cutodeit ipsos custodies”–Latin for “But who is to guard the guards themselves?” Maybe this makes me sound arrogant, but I try so hard to protect everyone in my life from the true reality of my pain that I often wonder who is protecting me?
It makes me think of that scene from My Best Friend’s Wedding: Julia Roberts is on the phone with her friend George explaining that she is chasing Dermot Mulroney’s character, who is chasing Cameron Diaz. During the call George asks, “Who’s chasing you…nobody, get it?”
I am appealing to anyone who understands: How do I handle it? How do I go on acting like the things people say about me don’t hurt or bother me? How do I get a thicker skin? How do I stop caring so much about what others think?

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Posted August 20, 2017 by in category "Crohn's Disease

5 COMMENTS :

  1. By I tripped over a stone. (Post author) on

    Well, my dear, you’ll never stop caring because you have a gentle soul. But you can learn to protect that soul. I often look directly at the person who is ‘advising me’ smile and walk away… I also have three sayings for those who need to really back off becuase they are being hurtful; “You need to pick up a book before you speak to me about this again.”, “Get a hobby.” and the very blatant ‘That hurt.” Always know yourself, always know more about your disease than anyone else, you will find comfort in realizing you have knowledge, therefore, all the power lies within you. Best of luck, protect your self by picking your inner circle and don’t be afraid to tell someone when they are hurting you. All my best wishes ~Kim

    Reply
    1. By omydaisy (Post author) on

      Kim,
      Thank you!! I recently told my husband, I know feeling bad is good in a weird way, it’s when I stop feeling that I will truly be lost. I just wish I didn’t feel so much. Does that make sense?

      Reply
      1. By I tripped over a stone. (Post author) on

        Complete sense. Often very deep feelings accompany an individual with a chronic illness. It is almost like a coexisting condition. So yes, you will feel all emotion intensely until you get ur disease under control.

        Reply
  2. By Sheryl Chan (Post author) on

    Something I struggled with for a long time as well, although I think it’s getting better slowly 🙂 I started a series on Medium called #100WritingDays exploring such things and it was helpful. I learned that I need to understand my self-worth and then, what others say don’t matter too much anymore 🙂

    Reply
    1. By omydaisy (Post author) on

      Sheryl,
      Thanks for reaching out! I slowly am learning the value of my own opinion. Undoing years of self deprecation and shame is no easy feat though. I know it’ll take time, I just wish I could dismiss people’s thoughts as easily as they dismiss mine.

      Reply

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