June 6 2017
Have you ever had a feeling or emotion you couldn’t explain? One that sounds illogical or insane even in your own head? You try to rationalize your fears and make sense of them; you tell yourself it’s because you want to understand, but really you just want other people to.
This for me has always been true of anxiety. I constantly feel swathed in uncertainty and panic. Sometimes my heart rate increases or my stomach churns and howls with a language comprised of anticipation and angst. I feel alone and gripped in an ice-block covered hand. The people around me are there but fragmented silhouettes of black and white. In my head I hear the chatter all around me but none of it comes in clear, like a facet slowly pouring into my soul. The ultimate disconnection.
I have yet to find the cure for my anxiety but I have learned ways to manage it. I hum to myself, make pro/con lists, twist the sleeve of my shirt, snap a rubber band, tap my foot, count to ten, or even breathe deeply. Sometimes these things help, other times I just have to remind myself that I have been through worse and that this too can be conquered.
Anxiety has kind of become a dirty word; a hushed term that gets swept under the rug or glazed over. Personally, I am not okay with that and you shouldn’t be either. I am writing this post because I know how easy it is to let your anxiety and fear consume you. To hide away and pretend that nothing is wrong. I know you feel burdened by your anxiousness and don’t want to put a strain on other people. Well, let me tell you; you are not a burden.
Whisper me your secrets and I will shout you my acceptance.