May 9 2017
Today is a good day
I am staring at negative test results, the second set in the last four and a half months. C-Diff, negative. Colon Cancer, negative. I feel moisture pooling in my eyes as I choke on my heavy exhale. This is good news. Great news. So, what is this feeling? This inexplicable frustration? No, frustration is not the right word. I feel overwhelmed. Like I’m being thrown about in the eye of a storm. I can’t catch my breath and my feet can’t feel solid ground. Negative results should be all that she wrote but if these tests are negative…then why? Why do I feel this way, why do I hurt, why are my CRP’s double the standard range?
Today marks day five with the increased Remicade dose and day four on pills: four in the morning, three in the afternoon, and a gritty bile binder at night. Thankfully the pills are temporary. Sleep is still alluding me, and heartburn seems to have affixed itself to me, but I feel better than I have in months! I’m getting up with energy, freaking out less, hot flashes are almost minimal, stomach aches are zero, and the headaches…what headaches? Also, not to jinx the voodoo that you do, but I am down to five or less bathroom visits a day! That is half my daily trips!
I feel less pained, and more like an old groaning house. Like everything is settling; like my foundation is churning and moving with the weight of all that is happening! I cannot say I enjoy the new sensations, but I would take them any day over what it felt like before. Breathe deep I will. Jackson is attempting to feed me sour cream lemon pie, and I swear it tastes like a new life.
Rest up readers, today is a good day!